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How I Became Published & Resources

By on May 22, 2011

In the last 21 months, I’ve shared my passion with other moms who wanted to know how I became published in regional parenting publications. I realized that if I put it up on my blog, I can direct someone to my blog so they could read it, and I wouldn’t have to worry about forgetting details.

After reading Writer Mama by Christina Katz that I checked out at the library, I took her online class called “Writing and Publishing the Short Stuff.”  It was a fun, but hard workout for someone who had never even thought about writing before. This class began my entire journey into the writing world. Stop by Christina’s website. There is a plethora of information for any new authors.

During the class, Christina shared about different resources for writer mamas to investigate. One of them that she mentioned is Brett Sember’s Regional Parenting Publication Kit. This kit provides you with a long email list of regional parenting pubs as well as extensive instructions on “how-to” write to an editor along with loads of tips to get yourself started.

I have also run across another resource by Kerrie McLoughlin, Get Published in Parenting and Family Magazines. Check out her ebook, too.

Since then I’ve see the importance of staying inspired so I’ve joined Freelance Success, a community of professional non-fiction writers where I mainly lurk and glean and Willamette Writers, a local writers’ group.

I always want to give a shout out to Ron Doyle, too, who designed my website and blog.

So this is the short version of my writing story, what’s yours? How did you get started in writing? I’d love to hear about it.

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The Priceless Door

By on May 21, 2011

Pantry door each year

We record heights, names and dates

Forever priceless

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Past Posts: I Hate Christmas Letters

By on May 20, 2011

I hate Christmas letters. People who you’ve lost touch with send out these letters with all of their family’s accomplishments and the exotic places they have traveled to. I seem to be left with a feeling of “I’m boring.”

One of the reasons why I have such a distaste for those types of letters is because I think people are not being authentic. I’m all for sharing your happy times but tell me what’s hard, too. Tell me that you’ve been eating too much or you’re concerned about your older daughter. Please be real with me. And I also know that a Christmas letter is not an appropriate place to advertise your struggles. So whoever started those letters, please rethink them.

On the same note, I don’t ever want to discourage a younger parent with any of my words. Parenting is a tough job and from my experience there are highs and valleys…very deep valleys. So, because I’ve shared my doubts and fears as a parent, I wanted to share my joys, too.

I want to publicly thank each of my five kids for allowing my hubby and I to go away for the night. When we got home, the house was relatively picked up and everyone was so happy. If there was any fighting between whomever, I didn’t hear about it. Laundry was done and a nice fire was going. Thank you, dear children. I am very proud of each of you and today, I’m proud that I’m a parent.

P.S. The picture is not our house…(it’s the B&B we stayed at in Seattle…maybe in my next Christmas letter, I could say we inherited a few million and…naw!)

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Guest Post: 5 Reasons Freelance Writers Should Use Twitter

By on May 19, 2011

I am over-the-top excited to introduce a former editor of mine,  friend and social media queen, Mary Rarick:

Five Reasons Freelance Writers Should Use Twitter

The most common question I am asked of mommy bloggers and freelance writers is, “Do I really need to be on Twitter?” And my answer is always the same: Unless you know everyone you want to know you should be on Twitter.

Here are my top five reasons:

  1. Twitter is a level playing field. With the exception of people who “lock down” their accounts, there are no gate keepers on Twitter, so your opportunities are the same as anyone else’s. {Well, maybe not Oprah.} Would you like to cozy up to your hero? Follow her on Twitter.
  2. Twitter is all about creating connection and conversation. Passionate about peonies? Do a Twitter search on gardening and connect with other green thumbs. If you follow the right people, you’ll learn a ton.
  3. Twitter is a great place to crowd source. Ask a question and chances are your followers will not only provide you with a plethora of answers, they’ll also ask their followers to help you.
  4. Twitter is a great avenue to expand your audience and build your business. Remember: you don’t have to know someone in person to connect with her on Twitter. If you’re looking for new writing opportunities, follow publications and their editors. Start conversations and there’s a good possibility that you’ll get followed back. When you share your articles and blog posts with your Twitter followers, your audience will include these important thought leaders.
  5. The ultimate goal is to build relationships. Twitter offers you the opportunity to do that one tweet at a time.

Intrigued and want to hear more? I’ve recently collaborated on a little book we called the Twitter Tracker–a simple, convenient guide to help you plan, record and measure your success: SMObooks.com

Mary Rarick is a caffeine-addicted hyphen enthusiast, grammar geek and reformed editor; lover of shoes, vacuum cleaner tracks and compelling content; perennial cause adopter; hash tag abuser, connector and social media strategist. Follower her on Twitter @Mary_Rarick or connect with her via email RarickMary@gmail.com.

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Judgment

By on May 18, 2011

Have you ever felt judged by someone else?

Of course, you have. We all have. But what about it bugged you? What did you feel inside? Do we let people judge us or is it our own insecurity showing?

Do you get angry about it? Or sad and disappointed? I don’t have this figured out so I want to think about people’s comments. Why do you think people judge you?

Photo by Smath

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Reluctant Entertainer? Put Away the Image & Book Giveaway

By on May 17, 2011

Today I’d like to welcome Sandy Coughlin to Imp3rfect Mom. With her permission, I have reposted one of her blog posts from Reluctant Entertainer about image and not entertaining:

What is it about human nature that we long to be loved and admired for what we do?

After reading this comment I was challenged to consider my own motives regarding why I do certain things when it comes to hospitality.

I am somewhat…yes I admit it…a “perfectionist” when it comes to entertaining. I have been a Chef/ Caterer for lots of so called “important” people, for almost 20 years. I always felt I had to put in 110% effort and wanted to be acknowledged and noticed for it!

But, yes…there is a huge BUT now……after reading your blog. I am immensely encouraged to use the gift God’s given me of “hospitality” without the perfectionism!!

I’ve said it before …
I think younger women have to be very mature – to have a mature mindset. Even with an excellent hospitality role-model in my life (my mother), I still aimed for perfectionism in my 30’s. As I grew stronger in Christ, and I became more at ease with who I was (created in His image), I then created a healthy balance and a style that was “my own.” I continued to have healthy women I looked up to, to help teach me and show me what true hospitality was all about. I was eventually able to put away perfectionism.


Put away the image!
Giving advice to younger moms, my thoughts would be based on the reader’s comment above! Put away the image. If that means staying away from magazines, or over-the-top entertaining articles or books, then make a pact with yourself that you are going to find out who you really are.

Are you entertaining to impress?
• Are you always worried about what other people may think?
• Are you going over the top, with your menu and décor, because you want to keep a certain image?
• Are you fretting and stewing over your menu for days in fear that your guests won’t be pleased with what you offer them?

If any of these things apply to you, then you are definitely struggling with perfectionism. You are letting “image” play a role in your hospitality. To be frank with you, you are missing the point of true hospitality!

Find a mentor!
Learning, growing, creating, and expressing – these were aspects that helped shape me into the woman I am today. I also found myself drawn to women who knew how to entertain better than I did, and I learned from them! I made mental notes of small things that they did. And then I’d tell myself, “I can do that!” (By the way, if you don’t happen to know any woman that you are “attracted” to, as a mentor – keep following my blog for more challenging posts and great ideas!)


Start Small!
I started small with the things that I learned from my mentors, and then I gained confidence along the way. I didn’t pile huge agendas onto my plate, like – I want to have a dinner party with 10 people, and I want to cook a prime rib (for the first time ever!) and I want to make the most elaborate dessert. Oh, and I don’t want my guests to bring anything. I want to do it all!

I put away the lie that things had to be a certain way, and that I had to do it all, and I allowed myself the room to grow and change through the process of practicing this beautiful art!

The reward!
I started seeing that the reward of true hospitably was not in the details, and definitely not in me, the hostess. I began to see how lives were changed around our dinner table. How people began to feel “free” and open to discuss their life – their pains and their joys.

Oh, and I think I need to share with you the very last sentence that the above reader wrote, because it sums up this post.

I want to show true hospitality, but put away that “perfect” entertaining image!

Thank you, Sandy and in honor of my birthday, I’d like to giveaway her book, Reluctant Entertainer (Every Woman’s Guide to Simple and Gracious Hospitality) to one of my readers. So if you’d like to enter to win a FREE copy of Reluctant Entertainer, please leave your comment below by Saturday, May 21, noon (PST). I’ll use a random number generator to pick the winner.

Here’s HOW to WIN:

1. Leave a comment telling me why you don’t entertain more often and what would help you to do so?

2. Tweet about this giveaway and leave a separate comment, telling me you did.

3. Facebook about the giveaway, and leave a separate comment, telling me you did.

This counts as three entries and three chances to win.


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Guest Post: Insight for Godly Parenting

By on May 16, 2011

Today I’d like to give a warm welcome to Kate Megill.

In our culture today of broken homes, it is definitely more difficult to parent without a godly role model to follow. Many of us who became Christians in our adult lives have that to learn on our own.

The number one place we go to for insight and wisdom is the Word of God. It is filled with wisdom and principles to help give us clarity of purpose in raising our children in godliness and righteousness. Of course, it DOES mean we need to read and study the Word so we can have God’s heart and mind as we train our children.

There are many books and videos available with help in these areas, but some tend toward a harsher more demanding view of child rearing and it is important that you carefully read, pray over and choose which books to glean from.

 

Let us look at some characteristics of Godly parenting:

*seeing children as a blessing and not an intrusion on your life

*focusing not just on stopping disobedience, but working toward building a heart of loving God

*working toward building a strong loving relationship between parent and child

*building an attitude of respect by modeling that respect toward your husband and toward the Lord

*building and attitude of forgiveness and grace by modeling that in your own life toward the children and others

*building an attitude of self-control by modeling it in your own life in your discipline and when things do not go well

The more we grow in love and joy and grace, the more we will be extending it to our children in their lives and the greater impact we will have for Christ. This will help us avoid harshness that will push our children away from us and away from God. A grace-centered home is one of love, understanding, discipline, training and compassion. Parenting, no matter how many children we have or how much experience we gain, is a continual learning time. Like communication in marriage, it is always challenging us to go further, learn more, grow deeper.

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good 
conscience and a sincere faith. 1 Tim 1:5

In all the learning we go through in parenting, as well as in every aspect of the Christian life, our ultimate goal, the final outcome of all we know and do should be love. When we let the love of Christ rule in our hearts and work out in our lives as parents, we will be guided in His wisdom and discernment. And that is the best frame of reference for any of us to raise Godly children.

Kate Megill is a wife and homeschooling mom of 8, with a passion for older women teaching younger women. She blogs over at Teaching What Is Good.

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Birthday Breakfast

By on May 15, 2011

Today I want to share a favorite memory maker my hubby and I do with our kids that we started when my oldest was five years old. Dad takes them out for breakfast on their individual birthday. It creates memories for everyone included. And because he’s the dad, he normally runs them by the local grocery store and lets them buy some candy, too.

Now since, I’m not one to miss out on the fun, a few years later we started another tradition where Mom gets to take them out on their half birthday. When the kids were young, this fun tradition was a great lesson for the kids to learn the months of the year, and they’d each figure out what month their half birthday landed in. With five siblings it was a lot of Math.

What traditions do you have in your family that you can share?

Photo by: David McKelvey

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Past Post: Getting Your Hands Dirty

By on May 14, 2011

Since today is the last day of the blogathon, I had plans to write about what I learned but instead wanted to share that I am content.

Sunday I spent two hours gardening with my younger daughters and had a blast. When they were babies, I thought about gardening. I drooled over gardening magazines and just dreamed. Aren’t the pictures beautiful! And then when my kids got old enough, I gardened for about an hour. Soon somebody had a dirty diaper or needed to be fed, so I had to quit for the day.

The years rolled along, and some children wanted to help with the garden. Planting seeds was fun for a short time then it became too much work.  And today, my girls stayed with it the entire time and helped me plant gerber daisies, scarlet runner beans, zucchini, cosmos, bush beans, tiny pumpkins, marigolds, and more.

I briefly explained about depth of planting, distance between seeds, germination terms etc. and then let them do it themselves. We pulled weeds and uprooted bulbs. We replanted bulbs and tried to dodge cat poop. We talked about how barren the garden looked today and how lush it will look this summer. We prayed for our garden that it would be full so we can enjoy it and share the bounty with others.

Today, parenting can not be topped!

(Later, I wanted to post a picture of their dirty hands but when I asked them about taking a picture, they informed me that their hands were clean now and couldn’t I just go get a pic off the internet?…yep, I guess I could. Thank you, dear ladies.)

Photo courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photography (Creative Commons)

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Guest Blogger: The Emotional Edge

By on May 13, 2011

I’m thrilled today to invite a dear friend, Trish Rohani, MA MFT to be my guest blogger.

Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.  ~Jonatan Mårtensson

Want to give your child an edge in life? Would you like him to be able to achieve success in relationships, school, and work? According to John Gottman, Ph.D., “In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.”

Now that all sounds great but just how do we impart this emotional awareness and abilities you might ask. Let’s start with understanding that emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. Even anger, has gotten a bad rap. It is not the anger that is a problem, it’s how that anger is handled and expressed.

Research shows us that how parents relate to and interact with emotions has a great deal of effect on how children learn to maneuver through and regulate their emotions. It is important not only be in tune with one’s own emotions, but the emotions of others as well. An emotionally healthy person uses this knowledge to navigate relationships with others.

So how can we teach our children to develop and utilize that emotional awareness?
We can use a little acronym I made up. NAME. It stands for Notice, (become aware of, observe) name (identify, recognize) Articulate, (communicate, express,) Manage, (deal with, handle) Emotions. OK so maybe it’s not perfect, I know it has 2 n’s but it helps me!

Help your child notice and identify emotions by teaching emotion and feeling words.
Identify and name emotions, not only the emotions the child is having but help him to identify emotions in others. This will help your child develop empathy.

Help your child to express herself verbally. Children have all the emotions that adults do, yet they just don’t always know how to express them. This can lead to them acting out in inappropriate ways. Teach your child to communicate her emotions. Using I statements she can say, “When David yelled, I felt scared. When I walked into the dentist office, I felt nervous.”

Teach your child ways to handle these emotions. If he is anxious, he can learn to breathe deeply. Teach him to ask for help or take a deep breath and try again if he is frustrated or request a reassuring hug when feeling sad.

Use every opportunity to teach emotion identification and healthy ways of dealing with emotions. Use personal experiences, books, movies, etc. Recounting the happenings of the day or a family event can be a great opportunity to talk about emotions. “It seemed like you were mad…frustrated…scared… excited…happy…nervous when… I noticed this because, … your face got all red and scrunchy, your jaw seemed tight…your eyes lit up and you had a great big smile, your eyes got wide and …   How did you feel when…? Make sure to leave time for your child to answer. That silence may feel awkward at first, but kids often need time to process and formulate their thoughts.

This all takes practice. Don’t worry if it seems awkward at first. You and your children will benefit from learning these skills. Stay tuned, a future post will cover practical ideas on how to teach these skills.

Trish Rohani is a marriage and family therapist in Oregon City, OR. She sees couples, families, and individuals, including children. Her special areas of interest include working with trauma, intercultural families, and right brained creative types.

Patriciarohani.com Facebook: Patricia Rohani MA MFT Twitter: @trishrohani

Photo of crying girl: Arwen Abendstern

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