Okay, so as soon as I wrote out the title of this blog post, I feel utterly ridiculous. How big is big enough? How pretty would I need my home to be?
Yet, it’s a fear that runs through my head and stops me from having people over. And since this is my time to face my fears, I want to confront this thought.
I’d like to blame the media because it’s so easy to but I’m the one who sometimes looks at decorating blogs or buys magazines with pictures of beautiful, large homes. And those pictures are staged. The dogs as well as the kids were probably locked out of the room as the photographer was taking the picture.
Yes, it’s fun to visit someone who has an unusually large home but my friends all have nice sized homes with average furniture and an average dog and an average family. 
I want to be invited into a home that I may have to move a laundry basket off the couch so I can sit. I want to have a cup of coffee with a girlfriend while she picks up the breakfast dishes as we talk about our kids. The human connection is what is important and not size of the home.
My house is just fine. It doesn’t need to change. When I see my fears down on paper, they lose their grasp on my heart. I can brush them aside and keep planning for my party.
Have you ever worried about the appearance of your home? (And yes, these photos were just freebies.)
I know what you mean. Our twinnie girls go to a High School with the daughter of Tom Izzo, yes that Izzo, and if you are a sporty type you know who he is; and we have been inside his house not because we were invited but because their daughter has had an all grade party and we are picking up our girls.
I would stand on their front steps and feel like the ugly step-sister. I had to force myself not to keep thinking how dare I soil their front steps! And why would I feel like that, the Izzos are friendly respectful people, not like the Dantonio’s, who are the Izzo’s good friends; and their daughter also goes to school with our girls. But still I felt like I was someone small.
Feeling that way I think comes from my own feeling of unworthiness. Somehow the size of the house is equal to the importance of the person. I have caught myself feeling superior to other families because we lived in a house that was larger than theirs — really I would do that to others!
So reading this post really struck a cord!
Patty, thank you for sharing and I’m going to have to go look up the Izzo’s. We want our kids to not get hung up on trivial matters so we shouldn’t either.
Thanks for the encouraging words. It was hard to hit publish today.
I love this post, my friend! Yes, I have thought the same thing. And, yes, like you say the most important thing is the connection. Not the fact that laundry is on the couch! Going to post this on my wall: When I see my fears down on paper, they lose their grasp on my heart. I can brush them aside and keep planning for my party.
Liz,
You do have many parties ahead in your life.
S’anks!
j
Oh Jan, you would LOVE my house right now;) I you could step over the boxes and books and try to navigate the front room to get to the dining table, I’d gladly share a cup of coffee with you! We are painting my ‘office’ right now and so it looks like my office just sort of ‘threw up’ on my living room.
But, you are so right. We would all rather be in a home of someone we enjoy than being in a showcase home with people we don’t connect with.
Thanks for reminding us why it’s important to open our doors and hearts to our friends.
Hi Tammy,
Yes, it’s all about the connections and the fact that we can be vulnerable with good friends.
And I’ll take that cup of coffee. 🙂
j
Yes, I’ve definitely felt that way. Mostly, it’s more like my house “isn’t as clean as yours.” But I will drive through nice neighborhoods that I’d love to live in and daydream about a house on a hill or a house with the neoclassic columns I like. If I feel a sense of envy, I just remember the time when I was invited inside Alice Cooper’s house (my daughter attended school with his daughter in high school). What I saw made me feel extreme relief. He was normal, and his place was mess. They had one kid crying in one room, another pouting in the other, his mother was in a tizzy trying to find someone’s something that was missing. And clothes were strewn about everywhere. The house wasn’t all that big, either. “Where you are is where you are at,” I try to remind myself, “and that is sufficient.” That helps keep my feelings in check. And then I can do what I need to do: the dishes, the laundry, the floors, the toilets, etc.
Yeah, this is another major fear of mine re having ppl over. The fact is, my house isn’t as big as the homes of many of the people I know, and we don’t have a separate room for kids to congregate in (again, like many of the people we know). My house isn’t all that well laid out for a gathering.
But these are just excuses, right? B/c if I’m really honest with myself:
1) You’re right. It’s all about getting together. And my friends are “real” people anyway, not people who will judge me on the size and cleanliness of my house. (Though I probably should clean the bathrooms, eh?)
2) I get these ideas, from time to time, that I should have ppl over. I think that’s a sign, eh?
I have to ask myself: don’t I want to be invited over? Do I care what someone’s house really looks like?
And yes, I take advantage of the adrenaline to clean my bathrooms.
Jenni, do it. Make it small, invite a few safe friends over – and just relax and enjoy it. (It softens the perfectionism in our lives.) 🙂