If you missed yesterday’s post, here is Part 1.
Stowe was devastated when her toddler son died of cholera, but later, she claimed that the loss helped her empathize with slave mothers whose children were auctioned off: “I wrote what I did because as a woman, as a mother, I was oppressed and broken-hearted with the sorrows and injustice I saw.”
Madeleine L’Engle, best known for A Wrinkle in Time, felt guiltiest about writing during the long stretch of years that her work was continually rejected. She worried that she was spinning her wheels, while also not earning income for all her efforts. After finally becoming a published author, she wrote, “I’m often asked how my children feel about my work, and I have to reply, ‘ambivalent.’ Our first-born observed to me many years ago, when she was a grade school child, ‘Nobody else’s mother writes books.’ But she also said, around the same time, ‘Mother, you’ve been very cross and edgy with us lately, and we’ve noticed that you haven’t been writing and we wish you’d get back to the typewriter.’ A wonderfully freeing remark. I had to learn that I was a better mother and wife when I was working than when I was not.”
As ambivalent as she was about taking time away from her children when she was writing, though, L’Engle had no qualms about having chosen both: “I’ve experienced the pain and joy of the birth of babies and the birth of books and there’s nothing like it.”
Contemporary women authors are more likely to be mothers than authors of the past, and so, more have written about how the experience of motherhood informs their art. Anne Tyler, in her wry essay “Still Just Writing,” details the bumpy path to becoming a writer while her children were young. She concluded, “It seems to me that since I’ve had children, I’ve grown richer and deeper. They may have slowed down my writing for a while, but when I did write, I had more of a self to speak from …” Louise Erdrich echoed these sentiments in a Salon interview when asked how being a mother changed her as an artist: “I find myself emotionally engaged in ways I wouldn’t have been otherwise. I wouldn’t understand certain things that I’m starting to get now.”
It’s been said that there’s no manual for motherhood, and if that’s so, there’s truly no manual for the mother who writes. Reading about how others experienced the dual tugs of motherhood and creative desires helped me, even though they provided no blueprint. On the many days when you feel like you’ve gotten nothing done, you can remind yourself (as you lurch from from one interruption to another) that, like Anne Tyler and the literary mothers who came before her, you, too, are growing richer and deeper.
Nava Atlas is the author of The Literary Ladies’ Guide to the Writing Life, as well as many vegetarian and vegan cookbooks. Visit the Literary Ladies web site and VegKitchen to learn more about her work.
Nava has graciously offered a signed copy of The Literary Ladies’ Guide to the Writing Life to one of my readers. Please leave a comment about what problems do you face with motherhood and writing? Or how do you handle the guilt that seems to chase us mamas who want to write and still be the best mom we can be? If you tweet this and COME back and leave me an extra comment, then you’ll get two entries. I’ll close the contest on Friday at noon and select the winner by Random.org.
As a mom of 8, I find it hard sometimes to get quiet enough time to pull my thoughts together to write AND I make sure and take care of everyone else before I “do” me. A number of years ago our entire family (yep, all 10 of us) did NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) and we all wrote novels. I was the one who almost didn’t finish because I tend to put ME last.
These are wonderful posts! Thanks so much for sharing them. If I don’t win, I’ll sure be looking for this book.
It’s Tweeted!
I just can’t find the time! I simply can’t get up earlier to write – I can barely get out of bed for work as it is! Then after work there is dinner to make and eat, pets to care for, toddler and teen to care for, chores to be done, and if I’m lucky I don’t fall asleep on the couch while watching a TV show with my husband. To write, I need quiet. It no longer exists in my house. If I try to make the time, I feel so guilty that baby is crying for Mama that I just give up for the day.
Oh Christine,
There are seasons in our lives, though. I came to writing much later in life and can’t imagine trying to balance it with wee ones. I would have been a very ugly mom trying to write with babies. This time will go by so quickly that you’ll have more time to write in the future. Be kind to yourself.
j
It’s a day by day thing. I like what Madeline L’Engle said about how her kids/family noticed she was better when she was writing. I think that’s true for me, too. It’s all about the balance.
And there went my Tweet!
I tweeted this earlier, too. Such a great two-parter.
Some days, I find balance and others I don’t. My problem is the guilt. Guilty when I’m working but not engaging my kids. Guilty when I’m enjoying the kids and work sits. I hate unaccomplished tasks (even if it’s laundry sitting). I have to work on my expectations on myself.
But this is all new to me. When we were writing the novel, we did it at our own speed around baby schedules. It took us 10 years from idea to completion.
Thanks for sharing this post (and for your blog in general).
My weakness as a writer: getting started and staying focused. It’s generally waaaay past my bedtime before the words really start to flow. And this might seem obvious to some, but it’s really taken me the better part of 5 years to figure out that there is a direct cause-and-effect between my lack of sleep and a day of crummy parenting. Doh!
Tweeted!
Like I said earlier, there is just never enough of me to go around! My husband needs me, my kids need me, my boss needs me, and I need me. With everyone being so needy, it’s hard for me to find time for ME. I sure try, but when I do, I feel bad that I’m not spending the time with my kids, or with my husband. Jan, I like what you said about the seasons of our lives. I think I’m my least favorite season, trying to find the balance between everything. Hopefully I’ll find it soon!!
I tweeted earlier, and I can’t wait for the giveaway!
I loved what Madeleine L’Engle said. There are many people out there that believe we cannot effectively dedicate time to writing when we have children, or that those years should be spent in “practice” without pursuing publication or getting your writing out there. I disagree. I know myself to know that writing is something I am hard-wired to do. Without making time for it, I am less the mother I could be. Writing also provides valuable opportunity for reflection, often allowing me to walk myself through a parenting puzzle I’m struggling with, or to see a child’s outlook in a whole new light, by considering and “chewing on it” awhile. That quote encouraged me — thanks for sharing it!