Dear Oldest Son and Oldest Daughter,
I just want you to know that when you left tonight to go back to college and I didn’t walk you out to the car, it’s my way of hiding. Hiding from strong emotions. I gave you a big hug and kiss, but went right back to washing the dinner dishes.
I didn’t even realize that I was running.
Running from the sadness and grief of letting you go and grow up.
They warned me.
People warned me that my kids would grow up but I didn’t believe them…
and I just couldn’t fathom the idea that I would no longer be needed.
You say, “but I’ve been there at the university for a few years now.
And I’m only 45 mins away.
And we have a good relationship???”
Yes, that’s true, but until you are a parent, you won’t know the amalgam of feelings. In parenting, you feel the shame when your kids make poor choices. You feel the pride of your child’s success.
And we all know that parents make it about themselves. I’m no different.
Yet my job as a parent is almost done.
Sadness mixed with pride mixed with frettin’ and closure.
So…I love you both bunches. If you feel I’m pushing you both away, I probably am. So you’ll have to remind me
To quit it.
(photo by madmolecule and modern carpentry)
Beautiful. Made me tear up. My girls are 11, 9 & 6 and I need to reminders like this to seize the day and enjoy them even with chaos and life swirling around me. Your kids are blessed. Your blog inspires me; I don’t know a better compliment than that.
Hi Tia,
Thank you for such a sweet comment.
j
That’s two posts in a row where you mentioned not being needed. You are and you will be still. It’s tough to say goodbye to our kids at this time, but it’s great knowing you’ve prepared them well. Remember that. Hugs!
Yes, I know, Jackie. I realized that the 2 posts would be right next to each other and decided not to change it. Even though I originally wrote that post back in March. I’m in that season right now and I wanted to share it with other mamas to encourage them to love on their kidlets today. Blogging helps me work through things in my head and in my heart.
I always appreciate your thoughts. Thanks for stopping by.
j
This is evidence you are doing a great job as a parent! “A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary”Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Great post! Shows how adding emotion pushes blog writing up a notch somehow. I remember this period so well with my own kids.
Jan, you beautifully and poignantly expressed what we all feel (or will feel) as moms watching our children do what we raised them to do: go off on their own to live their lives and find their own way. It’s such an emotional battle to want to hold them close yet wanting to let them go. Oh GREAT, now I’m crying AGAIN!
Sweet post. Thanks.
Oh, Kate,
You made me chuckle. I’m sorry – I’m not laughing at your tears. I’m laughing inside because we are both on this “crying-older-but-wiser-women-journey.” And your tears make me not feel so crazy.
Are you trying to make me cry again, woman? I think I’ll be a wreck when my kids go to university or get married. I can imagine your pain.
Lisa, everybody has been so supportive of my post today. I felt I was “wimping” out because I used an old post. But apparently, it struck a few nerves.
I’m thankful for your tender heart. <3
You will always be needed. It’s just the type of need that changes. My son is 21 but I have friends whose children are in their 30’s and 40’s. A mother is always a mother!
Boy, can I relate to that one! I still remember the day we dropped off our one and only at college. She was only going to be 35 minutes away so I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but as we were driving away, I just about lost it. That whole day and the next were brutal, but then a health issue distracted me from the saddness. I really think that was God’s way of getting me through such a difficult time! Everyone always said, “It goes so fast,” and I always heard them but it never sank in.
Jan, I’m not a mom, but I am a daughter who was touched by this post. I can’t imagine how much love and faith it takes to let go. Even though I live in another city and don’t see my mom every day, I still need her and love her every day, and I’m so grateful for care she took in raising me.
Hi Alison,
What a nice compliment. Thank you.