Today I’d like to welcome Sandy Coughlin to Imp3rfect Mom. With her permission, I have reposted one of her blog posts from Reluctant Entertainer about image and not entertaining:
What is it about human nature that we long to be loved and admired for what we do?
After reading this comment I was challenged to consider my own motives regarding why I do certain things when it comes to hospitality.
I am somewhat…yes I admit it…a “perfectionist” when it comes to entertaining. I have been a Chef/ Caterer for lots of so called “important” people, for almost 20 years. I always felt I had to put in 110% effort and wanted to be acknowledged and noticed for it!
But, yes…there is a huge BUT now……after reading your blog. I am immensely encouraged to use the gift God’s given me of “hospitality” without the perfectionism!!
I’ve said it before …
I think younger women have to be very mature – to have a mature mindset. Even with an excellent hospitality role-model in my life (my mother), I still aimed for perfectionism in my 30’s. As I grew stronger in Christ, and I became more at ease with who I was (created in His image), I then created a healthy balance and a style that was “my own.” I continued to have healthy women I looked up to, to help teach me and show me what true hospitality was all about. I was eventually able to put away perfectionism.
Put away the image!
Giving advice to younger moms, my thoughts would be based on the reader’s comment above! Put away the image. If that means staying away from magazines, or over-the-top entertaining articles or books, then make a pact with yourself that you are going to find out who you really are.
Are you entertaining to impress?
• Are you always worried about what other people may think?
• Are you going over the top, with your menu and décor, because you want to keep a certain image?
• Are you fretting and stewing over your menu for days in fear that your guests won’t be pleased with what you offer them?
If any of these things apply to you, then you are definitely struggling with perfectionism. You are letting “image” play a role in your hospitality. To be frank with you, you are missing the point of true hospitality!
Find a mentor!
Learning, growing, creating, and expressing – these were aspects that helped shape me into the woman I am today. I also found myself drawn to women who knew how to entertain better than I did, and I learned from them! I made mental notes of small things that they did. And then I’d tell myself, “I can do that!” (By the way, if you don’t happen to know any woman that you are “attracted” to, as a mentor – keep following my blog for more challenging posts and great ideas!)
Start Small!
I started small with the things that I learned from my mentors, and then I gained confidence along the way. I didn’t pile huge agendas onto my plate, like – I want to have a dinner party with 10 people, and I want to cook a prime rib (for the first time ever!) and I want to make the most elaborate dessert. Oh, and I don’t want my guests to bring anything. I want to do it all!
I put away the lie that things had to be a certain way, and that I had to do it all, and I allowed myself the room to grow and change through the process of practicing this beautiful art!
The reward!
I started seeing that the reward of true hospitably was not in the details, and definitely not in me, the hostess. I began to see how lives were changed around our dinner table. How people began to feel “free” and open to discuss their life – their pains and their joys.
Oh, and I think I need to share with you the very last sentence that the above reader wrote, because it sums up this post.
I want to show true hospitality, but put away that “perfect” entertaining image!
Thank you, Sandy and in honor of my birthday, I’d like to giveaway her book, Reluctant Entertainer (Every Woman’s Guide to Simple and Gracious Hospitality) to one of my readers. So if you’d like to enter to win a FREE copy of Reluctant Entertainer, please leave your comment below by Saturday, May 21, noon (PST). I’ll use a random number generator to pick the winner.
Here’s HOW to WIN:
1. Leave a comment telling me why you don’t entertain more often and what would help you to do so?
2. Tweet about this giveaway and leave a separate comment, telling me you did.
3. Facebook about the giveaway, and leave a separate comment, telling me you did.
This counts as three entries and three chances to win.
My busy schedule this time of year keeps me from entertaining as much as I’d like to. My Son plays baseball and we are running to the field at least 4-5 days a week with practices and games. I’m looking forward to school letting out for the summer so we can have more time when the practices are durning the day instead of after school hours.
I posted this on my twitter & facebook for my friends and family to see and I’m also a fan of both of you on facebook & twitter.
Thank you for this opportunity!
I want to say you “hit it on the head” with regards to outside influences, i.e. magazines… they always look so beautiful and picture perfect. Yet as a Mom, I can hardly provide anything but…”picture perfect”. My goal will be to find a mentor(s) and gleam their wisdom to accept what is…opportunity to gather rather than missed opportunity 🙂
I have posted your post and giveaway on my FB wall, too.
I love entertaining but I do struggle with having people in who may live a more affluent life-style than myself… For fear what we have to offer doesn’t quite meet their expectations…. I really want to focus more on ministering to others than meeting their expectations!!
Posted on my facebook page!
I do feel some internal pressure to be perfect and that gets in my way of entertaining. Happy birthday!
Being newly married I didn’t fret about having people over. We were who we were and just enjoyed sharing life with others. Then we moved to a different city and it seemed when we went to other peoples homes everything was so put together, planned. Not like we entertain which is “fly by the seat of your pants”. I shouldn’t say that. We just looked around at what we had to share and we did. I became self concious and withdrew into my cocoon. Afraid weren’t “doing it right” at our age. Now I know that’s an out and out lie from the enemy to keep us from sharing and giving of ourselves to those around us. Thank you guys for helping dispurse the clouds of fear in this area. Be blessed!
We’ve got 4 boys, ages 7 and under. It makes for interesting entertaining! We try to have a family or couple over once a month and have gotten more laid back about what the house looks like!
These days I don’t entertain much simply because my husband’s schedule is so crazy. We have so few nights where we can all be home as a family that I really treasure that time. However, as his semesters change, we really hope to enjoy more opportunities to show hospitality!
I struggle w/ knowing what to cook and having the house ready for guests.
I don’t entertain very often because I worry too much about what people think (about my cooking, my house, etc.). I also worry about whether or not they will be bored with the conversation. Thankfully, I have a wonderful mother-in-law who models Christ-like hospitality. I just have a LONG way to go in following in her footsteps! Thanks for the opportunity to possibly win a copy of this book!
I posted this on my facebook.
I have a hard time entertaining b/c I’m afraid no one will come. It sounds stupid writing it out, never-the-less, it is true. I really want to do a herbal spa party where I make everything using herbs and natural ingredients, yummy and healthy food; maybe even showing the ladies how to make their own stuff like lip balm, sugar scrub, lotion, massage oil and such.
Interesting post, Jan. Sadly, we don’t entertain as much as I’d like to because a) we don’t have the time, b) I find cleaning up the entire house for guests stressful and c) we just decided it wasn’t worth the time or stress or money to be entertaining so much. When I was young we always had people over though; it was fun.
I posted on my Facebook. Twitter is being snarky but will try again later.
Posted to Twitter.
I don’t entertain as often as I would like to because I feel my house isn’t big enough, nice enough. I fear being judged. Maybe if I planned a small gathering, I could have a nice evening.
I shared this on facebook.
I don’t entertain more because my house is always a mess; and so is my yard.
http://www.facebook.com/ladonna.m.harris/posts/198141233564341
http://twitter.com/#!/mom2kchmwrm2001/status/70856702966235139
I LOVE to entertain and would probably do it more often then I do if I had more money. Hosting is super fun but also makes a dent in the wallet!
shared on facebook!
and tweeted the message!
I don’t entertain as much as I should. I so need this book. I know above all it would bless my husband if I was willing to entertain more and could forget about my hang~ups. Thanks so much for this opportunity.