As a parent of five, there are various problems my kids have and will have. Yet as they grow older, I want to empower them to figure stuff out on their own. I so want to hold their hand and fix it for them but in the long run, I’m not being helpful. I understand this concept but why is it so hard as a parent to do so?
I can ask questions like “It seems to me when there’s a lot of noise and people, you seem to get agitated. Do you feel that way? What choices do you have when you start to feel that way?”
“Wow, you have a lot of homework this week, is there anything I can help you with to make it easier? Do you want me to brainstorm with you for any ideas to help?” And then I need to bite my tongue and walk away. I need to remember my anxious thoughts need to stay inside my head.
Sometimes my only question of choice is: “How are you?” My hope is to listen and not pry any further…even if I know there is conflict. I concentrate on slowing my breathing down and just listen. Just listen.
I want to protect their hearts from pain. Can’t I just fix it for them? Yet, I want them to learn that anxiety or stress is part of life, and they can find their answers. My peaceful questions can show them they don’t have to get upset or fearful. They can and are learning to work through tough life situations.
As an older parent I’ve learned that it doesn’t mean my anxiety goes away but I know that I’ve given my kids the gift of believing in themselves.
Jan,
You have touched on some very important points in this short post. What a wonderful upbringing you are giving your children. Teaching them to think for themselves, make choices and be responsible for their actions. I am a grandmother to 4 lovely grandchildren. My kids are married, independent and loving. They are teaching their children to be the same. Well done.
God bless you in your care as a mother.
Jan
Hi Jan,
Thank you for your kind words. We think our kids are going to be kids forever and yet, in an instance they are grown. How fun to be a grandma!
Thank you for stopping by and for your encouragement.
Jan
Hi, Jan!
I can tell you are a very caring, loving mother. I remember someone telling me that the hardest part about being a parent is letting our kids make their own mistakes. You are very wise! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!
If you want to go to my blog you can click on my name. I don’t usually come back to a blog to see if they respond to my comment. It works best if you want to stop by mine and maybe leave me a comment. (That’s usually how it works.) I met some very Godly women because of my blog. I live in Michigan and I met a friend in Texas who I’ve visited face to face many times. She & her husband also came up to visit us here. Blogging is a great way to meet new sisters in Christ. Oh… One more way to meet friends would be to go to http://blog.lproof.org/ to Beth Moore’s Blog. Read her post then read the comments people make to her posts. Click on a name (usually in blue) and it will take you to that person’s blog, make a comment and you will be an instant friend. I met so many people that way. Otherwise no one will know you are out there. I used to do it more and when I did I had more comments. Lately I haven’t been, so not a lot of people comment. Hope this helps!
It was nice meeting you!
Angie
xoxo