Falling Apart Some Days?

As I sat in the hospital waiting room, my mind swirled with questions like: will she be able to hear again? Does she have to wear hearing aids forever? What will we do for pain? How are the other kids doing at home? How should I plan the rest of my week? etc. etc.

I was on edge. I couldn’t concentrate on anything, and I felt I would bark at someone if they asked me a simple question. I know I had people praying for her and our family and I felt His presence but I still felt totally at odds. And I hated that feeling. So. out. of. control. Lord, this is hard again. We’ve/She’s been through this six other times so why is it so hard on me as the parent?

I felt selfish as a parent and frustrated because I couldn’t concentrate on anything for days afterwards. She’s the one who had the surgery. And yet the stress of pre-surgery, surgery and post-surgery got to me.

Then blogging came to mind. Hmm? So many times when I blog I want to look like I’m the together parent with all the right answers. I want to be the cool parent with boundaries. With. all. the. wisdom. OUCH…Not very pretty but brutally true.

I think God created us to need others. And sometimes He sends us gentle reminders to be human and accept the fact: This not so perfect mom needs to remember that she’s human and it’s okay to fall apart…really, it is.

P.S. Update: We layed low last week, and she’s doing just fine…mom, too.

14 responses to “Falling Apart Some Days?”

  1. Julie Steed

    So glad to hear she is doing well!

  2. Leann

    I got caught up on all your blogs. :-) What a nice “voice” you have! Keep up the good work.

    Keep us all posted how Annie’s doing…

    Love you!
    Leann

  3. katy

    Beautifully said and THANK YOU for sharing. It is okay to fall apart and it is okay to need uplifting and encouragement. So glad to have found you and your blog :-)

  4. amanda

    Jan, great to be here, thank you for sharing your post.

  5. Lynne Patterson

    Hi!
    Beautiful and encouraging blog you have here! Thank you! I look forward to joining. Will wait for your set up.

  6. Liz

    Glad to read this heartfelt post, Jan. You’re a good role model. Yes, we are all human and can’t handle everything.

  7. Deb Chitwood

    Lovely blog, Jan! Glad everything went well – and that you gave yourself permission to be human! Happy to have found you through Blog Frog!

  8. Victoria

    Hi Jan – I know what you mean. I think we automatically go into “parent mode” and it’s difficult sometimes to rest in the Lord when we feel desperate to fix the issue. I’m convinced that He will use this to help you place your child in His care totally the next time sometimes happens.

    Growth is painful, but the lessons learned are priceless.

    It’s great to meet you!

    Victoria

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